Turning the Tide: How Embracing Humility Can Break the Cycle of Violence in Men’s Lives

🌟 Breaking the Cycle: From Humiliation to Healing 🌟

Have you ever felt the raw, searing pain of humiliation? It’s a deeply human experience, rooted in our most primal fears of rejection and failure. Derived from the Latin word “humilis,” meaning “lowly” or “humble,” humiliation originally signified the act of being brought low, closer to the earth, closer to our most vulnerable selves.

🔍 The Violent Response 🔍

For many men, from young teens to mature adults, the sting of humiliation can trigger a destructive cycle. When we feel humiliated, it’s like a direct hit to our self-worth, and our first instinct can be to lash out. Violence, aggression, and anger often become shields against the vulnerability of humiliation. It’s a misguided attempt to reclaim lost power and dignity, but at what cost?

1. Feeling Humiliated: This is not just about feeling uncomfortable. It’s about feeling exposed, diminished, and painfully vulnerable. It’s an internal battle where our pride is wounded and our identity shaken.

2. The Choice to Lash Out: In the face of humiliation, many men choose violence - verbal or physical - as a response. It’s an attempt to cover the pain, to shift the focus from internal turmoil to external dominance. But this only perpetuates suffering and isolation.

🔄 The Path to Humility 🔄

But what if we could break this cycle? Humiliation, when faced with courage and self-awareness, can be a powerful path to true humility. Humility isn’t about weakness; it’s about recognizing our humanity - our flaws and all - and embracing them with compassion.

💪 A New Kind of Strength 💪

Men, it’s time to redefine strength. Real strength lies in facing our humiliating moments with the bravery of open hearts. It’s about turning away from the impulse to be violent and choosing understanding and empathy instead. When we learn from humiliation, we find humility. And in humility, there is the space for healing, growth, and genuine connection.

The tide and the land are humble companions.

✨ Let’s Change the Narrative ✨

I urge you, men of all ages, to share your experiences and break the silence. How has the fear of humiliation shaped your reactions? What have you learned about yourself through these moments? Your story can light the way for others.

Let’s support each other in this journey from humiliation to humility, from hurt to healing. Together, we can transform our most painful moments into our most powerful lessons.

Happy Malentines Day! I love you!

I recently came across Jeff Perera’s piece on HuffPost about men saying I love you. It was such an affirmation of my own work that I wanted to share it here to always reflect on. I’ve personally been making it a practice to say I love you to the Kings and young Kings in my life more often. It’s had a profound impact on me in multiple ways:

1. It’s helped me understand who my true friends are

2. It’s better informed me about who I feel safe being vulnerable with

3. It’s made it clear to me who I cannot rely on for emotional support

4. It’s given me perspective on the lack of connection we men have to our intimacy

In saying “I Love You”, I’ve experienced that some folks are able to reciprocate the sentiment with pride!, others mumble the words back in hesitation and some some Men are unable to receive my verbal affirmation at all. The most meaningful recipient of my verbalized love has been to my father. He reciprocates the words, and although I know and feel his love, he gets uncharacteristically very small when he repeats the words back to me. As a 6’4” Retired Firefighter, Restaurant Owner and BBQ Sauce Entrepreneur, he is anything but quiet - Side note, don’t interrupt him while he’s talking or he will repeat every word has has already said lol.

It makes me sad to hear him get so quiet when I hear his hesitated “Love you too”’s. He is even more awkward in his response when he is around other men which is another blow to my 8 year old self who longs to be loved by his hero Dad.

All this to say, I Love saying I love you to the people I love. It makes me feel excited, alive, sad, angry, confused and at the end of the day, present. This is a new sensation for me as a Man, Unlearning toxic masculine behaviors. I can only imagine what the world would be like if all of us Men were to FEEL more in our lives. To my Dad, I’ll keep on pushing you to open up. I understand that you are a Man before you are my father. I love you, I love you, I love you!

Happy Malentines Day to all of my fellow Men! Let’s Evolve our Love for one another. I believe that is where our healing lives.