I recently came across Jeff Perera’s piece on HuffPost about men saying I love you. It was such an affirmation of my own work that I wanted to share it here to always reflect on. I’ve personally been making it a practice to say I love you to the Kings and young Kings in my life more often. It’s had a profound impact on me in multiple ways:
It’s helped me understand who my true friends are
It’s better informed me about who I feel safe being vulnerable with
It’s made it clear to me who I cannot rely on for emotional support
It’s given me perspective on the lack of connection we men have to our intimacy
In saying “I Love You”, I’ve experienced that some folks are able to reciprocate the sentiment with pride!, others mumble the words back in hesitation and some some Men are unable to receive my verbal affirmation at all. The most meaningful recipient of my verbalized love has been to my father. He reciprocates the words, and although I know and feel his love, he gets uncharacteristically very small when he repeats the words back to me. As a 6’4” Retired Firefighter, Restaurant Owner and BBQ Sauce Entrepreneur, he is anything but quiet - Side note, don’t interrupt him while he’s talking or he will repeat every word has has already said lol.
It makes me sad to hear him get so quiet when I hear his hesitated “Love you too”’s. He is even more awkward in his response when he is around other men which is another blow to my 8 year old self who longs to be loved by his hero Dad.
All this to say, I Love saying I love you to the people I love. It makes me feel excited, alive, sad, angry, confused and at the end of the day, present. This is a new sensation for me as a Man, Unlearning toxic masculine behaviors. I can only imagine what the world would be like if all of us Men were to FEEL more in our lives. To my Dad, I’ll keep on pushing you to open up. I understand that you are a Man before you are my father. I love you, I love you, I love you!
Happy Malentines Day to all of my fellow Men! Let’s Evolve our Love for one another. I believe that is where our healing lives.